Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
