I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
