So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
