A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
