I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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