I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
