they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
