i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
