I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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