I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
