I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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