I seem to have left my pride at pride
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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