Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
