Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
