Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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