all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
