In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
