Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
