She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize