I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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