Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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