You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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