So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
