someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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