batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
