the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
