I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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