My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
