she was so not down for the gang bang
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
