i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
