Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
