I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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