i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
