I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
