Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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