If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
