the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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