i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
