Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
bring money and cleavage
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize