Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
