How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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