He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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