They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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