It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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