the day after is always just damage control
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
