mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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