Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize