Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Enjoy the penises
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize