The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize