her vagine was all disorganized.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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