Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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