This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
