I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
