I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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