I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
