My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
