I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize