$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize