hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
