i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
