cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
