Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
