Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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