i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
